Do you have a little one inside you?
Does she feel scared, lonely, or worried even though things are generally ok?
Tomorrow is my birthday, so I’m remembering being that little one… so dependent in all ways.
How can we give ourselves what we needed most, and did not get enough of?
This spring I shared Spark Story at my local church in Suquamish. Being active in local community for 25+ years, I hoped for a big turnout. Despite a few glitches with inviting people, and still learning how to do this, 24 souls attended. It was lovely!
Yet I was disappointed — I did not fill the house.
My littlest inner child took it very personally. She felt unloved, alone, isolated. Afraid that she doesn’t really matter to people. Or they would have shown up, right?
She believes Love = people being there.
My mind knows there are many ‘reasons’ people do or don’t show up. Most have little to do with me.
But these old feelings persisted below the surface. I worked with them, felt them, yet they didn’t resolve. I stopped reaching out to set up new gigs. Spark Story is very vulnerable work, and it felt too exposed.
Ironically, Spark Story is all about meeting our deepest fears, and calming them with love. It was not working! Yet.
The healing epiphany came in a whoosh.
At one of my women’s circles, meeting outdoors, we heard a baby cry – a good long wail. One woman spoke. “I’m not listening to my inner child.”
I felt tears rising. A sudden visceral memory of being locked up in a closet at a very young age.
I’d been crying, hard. Our babysitter Snooky said, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” locking me in for hours.
While not extreme, this trauma created a deep cellular memory. A belief: that vulnerability leads to punishment. If I express my feelings, I’ll be alone, excluded, left out.
The moment I fully acknowledged her, gave her love, hugs, compassion and understanding, she relaxed.
Since then I’ve felt a new whoosh of energy and renewal, reaching out, taking risks, showing up for what I love most.
I wish the same for you.
Have you ever felt this way?
That even though you’re all grown up, you still hold some crusty old beliefs.
All of us have experienced some wounding. All of us still carry some of these old stories. It does not mean we are mentally ill or emotionally stunted. Therapy may be beneficial, but it’s not the only way to grow into a deeper relationship with your inner world.
I believe that any of us can listen to that little one, and love her.
Take a moment to connect to your little one:
- Take a deep breath into the center of your body.
- Remember how you began: very small, very tender, very sweet and completely vulnerable.
- Notice any pangs of sensation in this tender place. Be open and curious to what the little one wants to share with you.
- With your next breath, send pure unconditional love to that little one inside you. Let her know that it’s going to be OK. Whisper that she is truly precious just as she is.
- Keep breathing love.
- Did you feel a slight relaxing, a letting go?
Please let me know how it goes with her :)))
With love to your inner one,