Like many women, I long to amplify my voice, to make a difference. That’s why I’m in Tara Mohr’s PlayingBig course. Yet there’s another part of me that doesn’t like it one bit.
I made this video – and lullaby – for any of you with a similar Pushme-Pullyou thing going on. One part is stretching and growing, while another part is kicking and screaming.
A few weeks ago I presented “SparkStorySong” at an Ignite event for 150+ people. While slides of me as a baby and a gawky kid were projected on a movie screen, I sang and told the story of how my Spark of the divine got covered up, and how I learned to know and love all my inner “layers” so I could sing again.
The crowd loved it. Many people told me how touched they were, how they felt the same way.
I was thrilled and filled with plans. Pitching more presentations. Scheduling and creating programs on how to access inner characters, to transform destructive energies into forces for good. But over the next days and weeks, my energy dropped. I was ineffective. I had trouble with time management, mood swings and even getting out of bed. For someone who teaches inner awareness, I had to laugh — and cry — at the irony!
What really worked was noticing how my characters showed up to try and protect me, to keep me small and safe. By playing bigger, I had triggered my deepest character, a little baby who isn’t quite ready for prime time. Knowing her, I could work with her, see her, give her what she needs. Sing her a lullaby. Tell her it’s going to be all right. It’s in the video.
Now I’m back in the flow, creating more effectively. I wish the same for you.