The other morning I woke slowly, lying happily in the place between dream and full consciousness. I asked my psyche to help come up with a fresh name and iconic image for a new workshop I’m offering this fall.
As I lay with eyes closed, I saw a quick flash of myself walking. An early morning walk around our property is usually part of my daily routine. Opening my mind/heart/gut while moving through changing scenery, walking or driving (road trips!), is a sure-fire way to let the insights flow.
Yet I’ve been so focused on getting the workshop ready, learning to launch it, getting all the details perfect, that I’ve neglected a daily walk and other rituals to keep the mojo happy: yoga/dance, dream journal, daily singing. Even writing this blog every week. All are an expression of gratitude for life. In my desire to make things happen, I forgot that vital piece.
Basically, I’ve not been feeding what feeds me. Or as African spiritual teacher Dr. Fu-Kiau Benseki, a gorgeous man whom I was lucky to spend a day with, calls Simba-Simbi: to Hold Up That Which Holds You Up.
I’ve not followed through on what I know to be true. And yet, following inner knowing is a large part of what I would share in the workshop. As they say in Pirates of the Caribbean: “That’s what you call ironic.”
The walking image was so clear. I followed. As I walked through the open meadow and the dark forest trails, I did not get instant answers to what I thought was the most pressing problem. Instead, I saw how old recurring patterns can get in the way of what moves through me.
Often when I take on something new, I allow it to overpower me. I can get very focused, nay, workaholic. This is the shape of my addictive nature now. It’s slightly more attractive than other addictions I’ve danced with (food, TV, sex, drugs, success, etc.).
While intense overwork feels productive and makes my gorgeous ego happy, the outcome is rarely awesome. Truly amazing requires good communication with the field, the source, God, whatevah you call it. Daily rituals – even just taking a pause to breathe deeply – helps me stay in touch with that mystery, the source that really powers the project.
And yet, when I forget, it’s really ok.
One of many brilliant changes at midlife is the ability to smile at my foibles. In the past I’d have given myself a good whipping for this. Now I course-correct much more gracefully. Lovingly.
I say, “Just remember this moment, my darling. The flow of awareness is always, ALWAYS available. Nothing has been wasted. I am so very proud of you, for growing, for learning, for being willing to look at this afresh.”
How do you stay in touch with that which fuels your creativity?
What do you do when you drop the line?
Your comments are like a fizzy vitamin drink, a boost of delight for this trail-dusty explorer.